Meaning & Analysis
The act of getting married is inherently an act of spoiling or ruining one's life.
Insights
Loss of Freedom
Marriage is presented as the end of personal freedom and autonomy. The commitment and responsibilities of married life are seen as shackling an individual, thereby 'marring' their independence and youthful joy.
Disillusionment of Idealism
The proverb suggests that the reality of marriage inevitably falls short of romantic ideals. The practical compromises, conflicts, and daily routines of married life 'mar' or tarnish the idealized expectations one may have had.
Risk of Ruin
Marriage is depicted as a high-stakes gamble that can lead to personal and financial ruin. A poor choice in a spouse or the burdens of family life can spoil one's prospects, ambitions, and fortune.
Sacrifice of Identity
The proverb can imply a loss of individual identity. The process of merging one's life with another requires sacrifices and compromises that can 'mar' or damage the pre-existing self.
Rhetorical Wordplay
The proverb's effectiveness hinges on its paronomasia, a form of wordplay popular in the 16th and 17th centuries. The near-identical sound of 'marrying' and 'marring' creates a powerful, memorable, and seemingly causal link between the two concepts, embedding a cynical warning within a clever turn of phrase.
Socio-Economic Stakes
The proverb reflects the high-stakes nature of marriage as a socio-economic contract in early modern England. As suggested by quotations like 'make you or mar you', a marriage could secure or destroy one's financial future and social standing, making it a pivotal and perilous life event.
Gendered Perspectives
The proverb's meaning is often gendered. For men, it frequently implied a loss of freedom and joy, as seen in T. Heywood's quote. For women, it often warned against the dangers of marrying too young ('too soon marr'd'), which could ruin their health and future. The cross-reference 'Woman is the woe of man' highlights a misogynistic undercurrent common in the era.
Psychological Warning
The saying serves as a psychological caution against naive romanticism. It injects a dose of cynical realism into what can be an idealized decision, urging prudence by starkly highlighting the potential for negative transformation and disillusionment.
Rhetorical Devices
Paronomasia (Wordplay)
The proverb is built on the pun between 'marrying' and 'marring', using their phonetic similarity to equate the two actions and create a memorable, impactful statement.
Aphorism
The statement is an aphorism, offering a concise and definitive judgment on a complex life decision. Its brevity makes the cynical wisdom it imparts feel absolute and universal.
Hyperbole
By declaring that all marriage is ruinous, the proverb uses exaggeration to deliver a powerful cautionary message, emphasizing the potential negative consequences over any possible benefits.
Transcription
Quotations
And sens our one mariyng or marryng daie, Where any of theim se vs, they shrinke awaie.
Mariyng marryng. And what maryed I than? A woman. As who saith, wo to the man.
The maide that soone married is, soone marred is.
Take this of me, a yong man's never mard, Till he by marriage from all joy be bar'd.
Maried to day, marred to morrow.
You are upon a Treaty of Marriage . . . a work of such consequence, that it may make you or mar you.
Better long unmarried then for ever mard.
Married to day, and marred to morrow.
Who marries, either makes himself, or mars himself.
Shakespeare Citations
And too soon marr'd are those so early made [i.e., married].
I may quarter coz. —You may, by marrying. —It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
A young man married is a man that's marr'd.
Cross References
Related Proverbs
Original Scan
Used under CC BY-NC 3.0.