KISSING goes by favor

Meaning & Analysis

The act of giving a kiss is not a universal gesture but is granted selectively based on personal liking, affection, or partiality toward the recipient.

Insights

Subjectivity of Reward

The proverb is a metaphor for the general principle that rewards, opportunities, and preferential treatment are often distributed based on personal relationships and favoritism, rather than fairness or objective merit.

Influence and Connection

It serves as a commentary on social and political structures, suggesting that success and advancement are frequently determined by personal connections and influence ('who you know') rather than qualifications or entitlement.

Inequality and Partiality

The saying can be used to explain or lament perceived injustices, acknowledging that partiality and bias are powerful forces that often override principles of equality and fairness in human affairs.

Historical Patronage System

The proverb reflects the social dynamics of patronage-based societies, such as 17th-century England, where advancement depended heavily on securing the favor of influential individuals. The 'kiss' serves as a tangible symbol of this preferential treatment, which was a cornerstone of political and social life.

Modern Social and Professional Dynamics

This proverb remains a timeless observation on workplace politics, nepotism, and social networking. The 'kiss' is now a metaphor for promotions, opportunities, or advantages that are often awarded based on personal relationships and subjective liking rather than objective merit.

Psychology of Bias

Psychologically, the proverb captures the inherent human bias toward in-group favoritism. It acknowledges that affection and preference are not distributed logically or fairly, but are governed by subjective emotional connections, a fundamental aspect of human social behavior.

Rhetorical Devices

Synecdoche

The act of 'kissing' functions as a synecdoche, where a specific, intimate gesture represents the entire class of benefits, privileges, and opportunities granted through favoritism.

Aphorism

The proverb's power lies in its concise, aphoristic structure. It presents a complex social observation as a simple, undeniable rule of life, making it memorable and impactful.

Personification

The phrase personifies an action, suggesting 'kissing' itself follows a rule ('goes by favor'). This transforms a human behavior into a seemingly objective principle, adding to its rhetorical weight.

favoritismnepotismsubjectivityinfluenceunfairnessrelationships
Analyzed with gemini-2.5-pro on August 5, 2025

Transcription

Quotations

(Kissing commeth)

1616, DR., s.v. Fauour, no. 693
1636, CAM., p. 301
1639, CL., s.v. Amor, p. 28

Come, Kissing goes by favour Let her go With her fair Game.

1649, F. QUARLES, Virgin Widow I, p. 272

[Title]

c1656, Kissing Goes by Favour 70, in Cav. and Pur., p. 453

But kissing goes by favour, as the saying is; and therefore let him favour whom he pleases, and kiss where he favoureth.

1659, HEYLIN, in Fuller Appeal III, p. 618
1659, HOW., Eng. Prov., p. 16
1670, RAY, p. 110

*Men shew Regard, or do Service, to People as they affect.

1721, KEL., p. 225
1732, FUL., no. 3128

Original Scan

KISSING goes by favor - a scanned entry from Tilley's 1950 Dictionary of Proverbs.
Scan courtesy of HathiTrust Digital Library.
Used under CC BY-NC 3.0.

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Last updated: January 27, 2026