To kiss a MAN's wife or wipe his knife is a thankless office

Meaning & Analysis

Performing two specific actions—kissing another man's wife or cleaning his personal knife—is an unappreciated and pointless task. The husband will likely repeat both actions himself, either out of jealousy or mistrust in how the knife was cleaned, making the original effort futile.

Insights

Warning Against Meddling

The proverb serves as a broader warning against meddling in other people's personal affairs or handling their private property without invitation. Such unsolicited 'help' is often viewed as intrusive rather than helpful.

Futility of Unsolicited Favors

It illustrates the futility of trying to please someone who is possessive or particular. Any effort made is likely to be deemed inadequate and will be redone, resulting in no gratitude for the person who tried to help.

Respect for Boundaries

The proverb highlights the importance of respecting social and personal boundaries. The 'wife' and 'knife' symbolize domains—relational and material—that are considered private and should not be entered without explicit permission.

Patriarchal Ownership

The proverb reflects a patriarchal worldview where a wife and a knife are paralleled as a man's personal possessions. This reveals historical social norms surrounding ownership, marital jealousy, and the inviolability of personal property.

Psychology of Mistrust

Psychologically, the proverb taps into deep-seated instincts of jealousy and mistrust. The husband's impulse to re-do both actions stems from a need to reassert his ownership and to ensure the tasks are done to his personal standard, rendering the initial gesture both redundant and suspicious.

Violating Personal Boundaries

The pairing of a deeply personal relationship (wife) with a functional tool (knife) suggests that unwelcome intimacy, whether social or practical, is a significant breach of personal boundaries. It's a timeless warning against assuming familiarity.

Rhetorical Devices

Parallelism

The proverb's structure, 'To [action] his [possession] or [action] his [possession]', creates a memorable and rhythmic parallel that reinforces the equal weight of the two seemingly different transgressions.

Juxtaposition

The odd pairing of an intimate, social act (kissing a wife) with a mundane, practical one (wiping a knife) creates a striking and thought-provoking contrast that emphasizes the core message about boundaries.

Symbolism

The 'wife' symbolizes personal relationships and intimacy, while the 'knife' symbolizes personal tools and self-sufficiency. Together, they represent the full spectrum of a man's private domain.

boundariesmeddlingpossessivenessfutilitypatriarchysocial-etiquette
Analyzed with gemini-2.5-pro on September 2, 2025

Transcription

Quotations

1639, CL., p. 45

(is but)

1670, RAY, p. III

Never kiss a Man's Wife, nor wipe his Knife, for he will be likely to do both after you.

1721, KEL., p. 263

Original Scan

To kiss a MAN's wife or wipe his knife is a thankless office - a scanned entry from Tilley's 1950 Dictionary of Proverbs.
Scan courtesy of HathiTrust Digital Library.
Used under CC BY-NC 3.0.

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Last updated: January 27, 2026