Marry first and LOVE will come after

Insights

Pragmatism in Marriage

The proverb reflects a pragmatic, often traditional view: marriage is a social or familial arrangement in which love is expected to arise through shared experience and duty, rather than being a prerequisite.

Adaptability of Affection

It suggests that human emotions are adaptable, and that proximity, obligation, and routine can foster genuine affection, even if it is not initially present.

Social Versus Romantic Priority

Underlying the proverb is the notion that social, economic, or familial considerations may take precedence over romantic love in marriage, with emotional fulfillment viewed as a hopeful eventual outcome rather than a starting point.

Historical and Cultural Practice

Historically, arranged marriages were common in many cultures, with love regarded as a luxury or a later development. Early modern literature, as in Marston and Wilkins, frequently debates whether ‘love should make marriage, and not marriage love,’ highlighting a tension between romantic and pragmatic ideals.

Psychological Observation

The proverb aligns with observations that shared life, mutual dependence, and invested effort can foster emotional bonds over time. However, it also acknowledges risk—without initial affection, love may never blossom, or may even wither, as Shakespeare wryly suggests.

Implicit Caution

By asserting that love will come after marriage, the proverb can serve as reassurance or as a warning—some marriages never achieve affection, leading to the cross-referenced, more cynical saying: ‘They who marry where they do not love will love where they do not marry.’

Literary and Social Debate

The proverb has inspired ongoing literary and social debate about the nature of love and marriage, echoed in plays, essays, and advice literature throughout the early modern period and beyond.

Rhetorical Devices

Antithesis

The contrast between the order of marriage and love—marry first, love after—creates tension and provokes thought, emphasizing the reversal of conventional romantic priorities.

Epigrammatic Structure

Its concise, axiomatic phrasing makes the proverb easy to remember and repeat, lending it authority as a maxim.

Temporal Sequencing

By structuring the proverb around temporal order (‘first...after’), it focuses attention on the process and development of affection within marriage.