There are many fair WORDS in the marriage making but few in the tochergood1 paying

Meaning & Analysis

During the negotiation of a marriage, many pleasant and promising things are said, but such agreeable language is rare when the time comes for the dowry to be paid.

Insights

Promises vs. Performance

The proverb illustrates the universal principle that promises are easily made but actions requiring sacrifice are performed with great reluctance. The 'fair words' represent any commitment, while the 'dowry payment' symbolizes the often-difficult act of honoring that commitment.

Idealism vs. Reality

It serves as a metaphor for the conflict between initial enthusiasm and the subsequent reality of cost. The 'marriage making' is the exciting start of a venture, while the 'paying' is the sober, practical execution, where the initial charm and flattery fade away.

Persuasion and Deception

The proverb warns against the deceptive nature of persuasion. People may use flattering or agreeable language ('fair words') to secure an agreement for their own benefit, with little intention of making the follow-through a pleasant or easy experience.

Historical Economic Context

Rooted in the historical context of marriage as an economic contract, the proverb reflects the often-tense negotiations surrounding the dowry ('tochergood'). It highlights that while the courtship phase is filled with pleasantries, the financial transaction reveals the true, often conflicting, interests of the families involved.

Psychology of Commitment

The proverb offers a timeless psychological insight into the human tendency to over-promise during moments of enthusiasm or persuasion, only to balk when the actual cost or effort is required. It captures the universal gap between optimistic intention and the often-grudging reality of fulfillment.

Modern Contractual Relevance

Beyond marriage, this proverb serves as a cynical but practical warning for any negotiation or contract. It suggests that verbal assurances are cheap and should be treated with skepticism until they are backed by tangible action, a principle that remains central to modern business and legal practices.

Rhetorical Devices

Antithesis

The proverb's structure is built on the stark contrast between 'many fair words' in the first clause and 'few' in the second, effectively highlighting the hypocrisy between speech and action.

Parallelism

The phrases 'in the marriage making' and 'in the tochergood paying' create a balanced, parallel structure that makes the comparison direct, memorable, and rhythmically satisfying.

Metaphor

The specific, culturally-grounded scenario of marriage negotiations and dowry payment serves as a powerful metaphor for any situation where promises are tested by the demand for tangible action.

promisesactionscommitmenthypocrisynegotiationfinance
Analyzed with gemini-2.5-pro on August 17, 2025

Transcription

Quotations

a.1598, FERG., MS, no. 1308
1668, R.B., p. 52

Many fair Promises in Marriage making, but few in Togher paying.

1721, KEL., p. 246

People will flatter you with fair Promises and Proposals; 'till they get you engag'd in some Project for their Interest, but after alter their Tune.

*Note

Annotations

  1. dowry

Original Scan

There are many fair WORDS in the marriage making but few in the tochergood1 paying - a scanned entry from Tilley's 1950 Dictionary of Proverbs.
Scan courtesy of HathiTrust Digital Library.
Used under CC BY-NC 3.0.

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Last updated: January 27, 2026