Marry your DAUGHTERS betimes lest they marry themselves

Meaning & Analysis

Parents should arrange marriages for their daughters at a young age to prevent them from choosing their own partners independently.

Insights

Preservation of Social Order

The proverb serves as a metaphor for the perceived need to control and direct youthful impulses, particularly female ones, to maintain social order and family honor. A daughter 'marrying herself' symbolizes a breakdown of established authority and a threat to the family's strategic and social standing.

Risk Management

It illustrates a principle of preemptive action against perceived risks. It advises neutralizing a potential problem (a daughter's independent will) before it has the chance to manifest, framing female autonomy not as a right but as a liability to be managed.

Marriage as a Transaction

The proverb treats a daughter's marriage as a family asset that can be squandered. Her choice is a potential liability that could devalue the family's social or economic capital, highlighting a transactional view of marriage.

Patriarchal Control

This proverb is a stark reflection of patriarchal social structures where marriages were strategic family alliances, not matters of personal choice. A daughter's marriage was a tool for consolidating wealth, status, and power, making her independent choice a direct threat to the family's interests.

Fear of Female Agency

The urgency of 'betimes' (early) and the warning 'lest they marry themselves' reveals a deep-seated anxiety about female autonomy and sexuality. The implication, reinforced by Burton's 1621 comment 'or do worse', is that a woman's independent choice would be driven by passion, leading to a socially disadvantageous match or premarital behavior that would ruin the family's reputation.

Generational Conflict

While archaic in many modern contexts, the proverb's core tension between parental control and youthful independence remains a relevant psychological dynamic in families, albeit now focused on education and careers rather than arranged marriages.

Rhetorical Devices

Imperative Mood

The proverb uses an imperative command ('Marry your daughters') to create a tone of urgent, non-negotiable advice.

Antithesis

It creates a sharp contrast between the 'correct' action (parental arrangement) and the 'negative' outcome (a daughter's self-determination), framing the choice as a clear dichotomy of order versus chaos.

Causal Warning

The word 'lest' functions as a powerful warning, framing the daughter's potential autonomy as a direct and undesirable consequence of parental inaction.

patriarchymarriagecontrolagencygenderreputation
Analyzed with gemini-2.5-pro on July 3, 2025

Transcription

Quotations

'Tis good to get them husbands betimes . . they perchance will marry themselves else, or do worse.

1621, R. BURTON, Anat. M., III II v 5, p. 805
1651, HERB., p. 373
1659, N.R., p. 79
1670, RAY, p. 47
1732, FUL., no. 3373

Cross References

Original Scan

Marry your DAUGHTERS betimes lest they marry themselves - a scanned entry from Tilley's 1950 Dictionary of Proverbs.
Scan courtesy of HathiTrust Digital Library.
Used under CC BY-NC 3.0.

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Last updated: January 27, 2026