Meaning & Analysis
A person who anticipates being criticized or blamed for something will proactively complain first, in order to deflect or prevent the expected complaint from being made against them.
Insights
Preemptive Defense
The proverb illustrates a manipulative strategy of seizing the offensive to mount a defense. By initiating conflict, a person can control the narrative, forcing the other party into a reactive and disadvantaged position.
Diversion of Guilt
It is a tactic for deflecting culpability. The initial complaint acts as a smokescreen, diverting attention from the complainer's own faults or wrongdoings by focusing on the supposed transgressions of another.
Psychological Projection
This action represents a form of psychological projection. An individual attributes their own faults or intentions to another person, accusing them first to alleviate their own sense of guilt or to define the terms of the conflict in their favor.
Manipulation and Control
The proverb describes a method for gaining social or relational control. By being the first to express grievance, one can manipulate perceptions and frame the subsequent interaction, often to excuse their own behavior or obligations.
Historical Social Dynamics
The proverb is deeply rooted in early modern English social dynamics, with numerous quotations referencing 'scolds', 'curst wives', and 'brawling'. This reflects a recognizable, gendered social tactic of the era for managing domestic and public disputes by seizing the narrative first.
Literary Characterization
This tactic is a powerful tool for characterization in literature, particularly in Shakespeare. Richard III's admission, 'I do the wrong, and first begin to brawl', instantly reveals his Machiavelian cunning, while Falstaff's use of it to evade a debt highlights his roguish nature.
Psychological Defense
The proverb describes a timeless psychological defense mechanism. It is a classic example of preemptive blame-shifting, closely related to the modern concept of DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender), where a perpetrator reframes the situation to appear as the victim.
Rhetorical Strategy
The phrase 'except before excepted' from Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night' gives the proverb a legalistic overtone. It frames the act of complaining first as a rhetorical strategy, akin to lodging a preemptive objection to nullify an opponent's future argument.
Rhetorical Devices
Paradox
The proverb's structure is built on a paradox: using the very act of complaining as a tool to silence or invalidate another's complaint. This inherent contradiction makes the observation sharp and memorable.
Repetition
The repetition of the root word 'complain/complaint' (a form of polyptoton) creates a concise, rhythmic, and aphoristic quality, emphasizing the cyclical and reflexive nature of the tactic.
Synecdoche
The act of 'complaining' functions as a synecdoche, representing a broader category of preemptive verbal attacks, including scolding, brawling, picking quarrels, and making accusations, as illustrated by the historical quotations.
Transcription
Quotations
Pretily to cloake thine own folly, thou callest me theefe first, not vnlike vnto a curst wife, who deserving a check, beginneth first to scolde.
And now like a contentious crafty wretch, He first begins for to complaine himselfe, When as himselfe is in the greatest fault.
Thy fault [woman's] with his fault so repuls'd will vanish.
It [mustard] is like a witty scold, meeting another scold, knowing that scold will scold, begins to scold first.
Him shee loues most shee will seeme to hate eagerliest, to decline your jealousy; or, faigne to be jealous of you first.
Shakespeare Citations
I should have chid you for not bringing it, But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it.
I do the wrong, and first begin to brawl.
O, that woman that cannot make her fault her husband's occasion, let her never nurse her child herself, for she will breed it like a fool!
Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours. —Why, let her except before excepted!
Cross References
- N1112 Who more ready to call her neighbor scold than the arrantest scold in the parish?
- Q3 To pick a quarrel
- W319 Call her whore first.
Related Proverbs
Original Scan
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